BLACK  COFFEE WITH “SUGAH”

TEARS!     

 

Lately, I wake up crying.

It’s not from bad dreams. And it’s not back, knee, or head pain. 

I cry because someone is always tryin’ to steal my sugah’.

 

Times Up?

 

“See you in a couple of hours,” he always says with a smile.

 

I pray I’ll see him again.

Aunties were notorious for grabbing little kids and threatening to “steal sugah'” as they squealed and giggled their way out of tight grips. A kiss, a hug, or even a cute grin ensured sweetness was shared. On my father’s side, it was common to hear the phrase, “Gimme’ some sugah.” Not too long ago, I spoke to one of my Aunts, now 96, who reminded me of how she used to steal my sugar and pinch my fat cheeks. 

My morning routine is simple. I let my dog out and make coffee just in time to hug my husband before he heads off to work. I watch him lace up his heavy black work boots and pack his tools into a large backpack where I’ve previously slipped in a protective crystal — either a Black Tourmaline, Fluorite, or a Black Obsidian. 

 

My Second Cup of Coffee

All Black American women live with the fear that their loved ones might not return home because, in America, there’s a systematic attack on a Black woman’s “sugar.” When it comes to mine, I won’t rest until I hear the squeaky iron gate in front of our house open and close. And I don’t exhale until he punches the code into the keyless lock he installed on the front door and walks inside. How was your day?

The Black man I love is required to wear a company uniform with visible identification tags around his neck, and he drives a boldly marked company van. With some tools, a laptop, a roll-away suitcase, cell phones, and a ring of keys attached to his belt, he steps off sportin’ a cap on his head.  

He also stuffs pens in his shirt pocket, ice into a sized picnic bucket of water, and he’s off. He does this all in one trip, expecting a long drive and some overtime. Arizona is an “Employment-at-Will,” which means an employer can fire an employee at any time for any reason. Not a secure feeling when you head out the door, not knowing if today is the day

Call in Troops a Wild Black Man’s On the Loose!

Police are known to be called by neighbors about a SUSPICIOUS Black man driving, walking, or sneaking around someone’s house. It doesn’t even have to be their house. Like my son, brothers, nephews, and now my 15-year-old grandson, he is a moving target in America. I know people are watching and waiting to eat his ass alive.

You Don’t Look Like Us.

He is a Black Muslim Arab from a country on the U.S. hit list. But, since most Americans don’t think Arabs come in Black, he gets to slide under at least one hurdle. But I know the feeling. When I lived in Egypt, I could fit in so long as I kept my mouth closed. People didn’t see me as an American; because I didn’t fit the description. The first time his Aunties met me in Sudan, they remarked to him, “See, doesn’t look like American. She looks like us!” But, at home, I don’t blend in, so I can’t hide. 

 

My Third Cup of Coffee:

Black People Aren’t Technically Inclined: Well, that’s certainly a lie.

To top it off, my man is a Service Technician and mainly works in customers’ homes. They request them to come to fix, install, troubleshoot, or evaluate the status of a piece of equipment. All they know is that they want them to get there within a 4-hour window and do what they pay them to do.

But, in America

Two percent of the American engineering workforce is Black or a minority.

If you haven’t noticed, there aren’t many Black “Tekkis” around. Next time you visit your local Best Buy, Fry Electronics, or Apple stores, look around and see who’s there. Even fewer drive around town in company vans. Comcast, ATT, and any other tech-based business hire white men. Even those with less technical abilities. They’re willing to take on trainees—however, not Black ones.

The U.S., in general, is negligent in hiring Black technicians. A historical lack of people of color and women trained in technical fields means fewer more get to work in that field. My husband, like most Black men in America, and I don’t care where their place of birth is, poses a threat to his White co-workers—many with less skill or experience. They question his loyalty, skills, and abilities. He is not “one of the boys.” And he has had to deal with remarks about his citizenship due to his accent colleagues. He’s Muslim and cannot hang out in the bars and drink a beer or two. Who wants to hang with a guy who only drinks a Sprite?

“You Can Call Me.”

Is that an accent I hear?  

Often the first question he gets asked is, “Where are you from?” which isn’t necessarily a problem, but they always butcher his name. And, to be polite has permitted them to call him by his last name, which is more comfortable or, in some cases, just a letter.
All Americans, including me, are limited in our view of the world. We see ourselves as the center of the universe. Not because they’re all ignorant but because most of us don’t come into contact with people with different-sounding names.

 

 

My Third Cup of Coffee: Hey Man, you legal?

 

A Mexican co-worker asked. 

 

• My man with an incredulous facial expression: “You’re kiddin’ me, right?”

• Him with a straight face: “Nope.”

Customers and co-workers wanna’ to know. “Yes, I am. I have a U.S. passport! Do you idiot?” He wouldn’t say that, but I would because I know that most of these guys have yet to travel outside their birth state. And the last thing that should come out of any Mexican man’s mouth in the form of Arizona is to question a co-worker about his legal status.

The difference between my man and me is that I’m a homegrown colored girl raised in Boston’s projects with a Bachelor’s Degree in “Don’t Mess With Me, “a minor in “Kiss My Ass,” and a Ph.D. in “Racism and the American Way and How to Slam Dunk Stupidity.” He’s still in training, but after 20 years of living in this country, he’s about to graduate with honors and a Degree in “Black Man Watch Your Back.”

My Third Cup of Coffee: Afternoon Tech Sex

 

Better not indulge in a female client’s fantasy. It could mean your job. For a Black tech, it could mean your life. RAPE! Jobs that involve setting up computer network systems for solar, security, sound, satellite, repairing computers in clients’ homes, etc., extensive background checks, drug testing, and customer service training on the “dos and don’ts” of inappropriate behavior. ”

“We don’t want to give our customers any reason to sue us,” they explain. It happens a lot. The boys laugh and brag about it. In contrast, employers don’t think it’s funny when they have to shell out hundreds in punitive damages. And the warnings are justified because people, especially White women, constantly proposition these workers. Sometimes it’s to set them up to sue the company. Others because they are stuck in their houses, lonely, or desire some fantasy sex.

The Customer Is Always Right.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that many women fantasize about having sex with a stranger. Whether they’re in a relationship, “rolling solo, or are somewhere in that “it’s complicated” range, it’s normal to fantasize about having a no-strings-attached situation with someone you’ve never met before — and will never see again. Workers are often propositions to satisfy their fantasy about having sex with men in security jobs and men that show up in boots and tool belts. Call me naive, but it never occurred to me to hit on a guy fixing my telephone wire or that this was even an issue.

Please don’t send me to Racist Scottsdale.

One job required him to complete an extensive psychological evaluation test and watch videos on sexual harassment — a step forward for women and men who have been the victims. But, they never train their employees to deal with racist customers. Why? And, in places like Scottsdale and other cities across Arizona, it is rampant. None of the techs or Uber drivers want to go to that place.

The people there overwhelmingly have lots of money but are cheap and rude. The majority of Mexicans you see cut palm trees climbing up with spike shoes and machetes or if they’re women cleaning houses. The police are more likely to pull Black and Latino drivers over.

As techs are often required to upsell all customers, White workers are more likely to get clients to purchase skins for their remotes, safety extensions, or even blue tooth speakers to accompany their streaming services. On many occasions, when he shows up to do his job, the homeowners follow him as if he might steal something. In some instances, they have refused to let him in. Most companies have strong policies concerning this and will deny the potential clients’ service.

What would you do?

Scenario 1:

You’ve driven OVER 50 miles to set up the client’s computer network system. They won’t let you in because you’re Black. And you have two other jobs you’ll have to get to today. What do you do?

Answer: Call dispatch and report the problem. The dispatcher will tell you to leave, and they call the client and tell them that behavior is unacceptable, but it doesn’t often happen because there aren’t many Black techs. It also means you’ve driven an hour, and since you didn’t do the job, you wasted the companies and your time.

Scenario 2:

The customer follows you while you attempt to do your job, continually questions your ability to troubleshoot the problem, and refuses to put his German Shepard away, who’s sniffing your butt the entire time. What do you do?

Answer: Ask the man or woman to lock up his animal and not worry politely. You’ve solved his problem on many occasions.

Scenario 3:

You’ve been working outside the customer’s home for four hours in Arizona’s 115-degree heat to troubleshoot their solar monitoring system. You must climb up and down ladders and walk in and out of the house to check the system. You put your boot covers on each time you come inside (you wouldn’t want to track dirt on those exotic Arabian carpets), trace connections to ensure things are monitored, and no one offers you a cup of water. What do you do?

Answer: Make sure you bring your ice-filled bucket of water and keep your cell phone on you at all times in case you have to call for medical assistance should you get trapped under someone’s house.

Scenario 4:

A woman invites you into her bedroom or shows up while you work on a broken technical problem in their home. With her shirt open to show her bra or slip you her telephone number, what do you do?

Answer: Immediately report it to your supervisor; she might charge you with rape.

I’m Not the One: Anything can happen. 

☹️ I couldn’t do those jobs. Climbing up on roofs, in attics, and dodging rats, spiders, and other creepy-crawly things wouldn’t work for me. But these service technicians enjoy what they do, learn not to stick their hands in dark places, and accept that it’s just part of the job.

🧐 I know my husband has enough skill not to get electrocuted while sliding his hand inside electrical boxes with “live” D.C. voltage. Or he knows how to avoid snakes, scorpions, and ugly-ass lizards hanging out behind electrical lockboxes.

☹️But, it’s not the job that worries me; he has to navigate a world of constant racism in America that scares me. I double-check that the ringer on my cell phone is turned up in case I have to jump into action and maybe bail him out of jail because of some White woman’s 911 on him.

😖It’s depressing that even with all the qualifications to work as a computer tech, it’s almost impossible to maintain those jobs. The psychological wear and tear is debilitating, not for lack of skill or determination. 

Super Hero Status

It’s good that he wasn’t exposed to gamma rays like the “Hulk” before he came to America. Because “they wouldn’t like me when I’m mad.” But for him, it’s just another day in the racist paradise of a country called the USA. Aaah, there it is. I hear a car drive up under the carport, the engine shut down, and I wait. I pull back the curtains and see him sitting in profile. He’s still and staring straight ahead into the street. What’s going on in his head? I can only imagine.

Men need a minute to pull themselves together, mostly in silence and alone. We drill unrealistic expectations into our boy’s heads from birth. Be strong, we tell them. Don’t cry or be too emotional. Be a man. They’ve heard them all. If not from their parents, then from a world that has unrealistic expectations of them.

 Somebodies are Watchin’ You.

Along with those things, Black men have learned to be cautious in every way. On their jobs, they are under watchful eyes. In the tech field, almost always, the eyes that look out are from White faces—consistently judging and evaluating him behind glimmers of racism.

As I watch him, the acid from the coffee I’ve drunk throughout the day bubble into my chest. I want to cry because I know what that man has dealt with today. He doesn’t want to bring negative energy into our home, so he stuffs it down and puts it on his game face. Finally, he steps out and down from the van, slams the door shut, and another beep secures it for the night.

Relief

Then there’s the squeak on that gate that I swear needs WD40 (he disagrees) and punches the code into the automatic lock panel. I pretend I’ve been busy and look up with a “Hey, how’s it going? And smile. He’s had time to fix his face and smiles “hello” back. I notice he’s dusty and exhausted.

Our little dog, Teena, comes out of whichever corner she’s napped in most of the day to greet him. “Hey, shorty,” she wags the lower half of her body. He puts the ring of keys in the key basket on the table, lays the heavy tool bag down, unlaces the boots, and climbs up the stairs. The door shuts, and the sound of the shower breaks the silence.

 

I Need A Quiet Place to Rest

“How was your day? I ask. “Not bad,” he says. I listen, but that slow exhale is one every Black woman living with a Black man experiences, knowing that at least today he’s home in one piece physically, but we never know of the emotional strain they’ve survived. There are times when I hate this country more than I can tell you. I’m waiting for the day when this pandemic is over.

I will put my essentials in a suitcase and get out of there. But, I’ll never be able to rest because all the other Black men I care about, including my son and my grandson, will have been left behind in a place that hates them. ‘But, for now, we offer each other refuge, thankful we made it through another day. That’s the time this Black woman gets to rest. He crashes from exhaustion. I’m just glad he made it home.